March 2

"Mom, let Grace bring all her dolls, they are very important to her…… I’ll give up my toy space so that she can bring all her dolls." Kurts most precious words of love he uttered today for the love of his sister. God has blessed me with an amazing and wonderful child.

We looked at an RV yesterday. It was beautiful. I was excited as I strolled down the short, albeit clean and homey single aisle. The bed faces east/west, just what we wanted. The colors are tans and blues, very neutral and very livable. It has all the extras we could ever want, satellite, backup mirror, cooler under the stairs…. Everything. I am so thrilled; I call Jeff and excitedly share with him all about the vehicle.

But I have pause. It is soooo small. Where will all our "stuff" fit? How will I manage with the inevitable "clutter" and mess that is bound to happen? Fear. It strikes me hard in the belly. Can I really do this? Am I really willing to give up all my things, my space, and my home? 

I reflect on the gift of love Jeff has given to me in this life. The sacrifice he made for me, when I was mentally ill! It wasn’t easy living with me then; he made it through the storm. I can too! Okay, I can do this. But I am afraid. Afraid and excited, all at the same time.

God works wonders in our lives. Tonight he connected me with a man that purchases RV’s at auction in Las Vegas. This same man sells vintage corvettes. I give him Jeff’s cell number. Again, our Heavenly Father presents to us a door. It is our choice whether or not to step through, but the door is there for us to open. I turn the handle.

March 3

Today a good friend questioned the advisability of pursuing this dream. Yes. Dreams are sometimes costly. However, let me tell you a bit about our situation, then perhaps you will have a greater understanding about the situation. Jeff and I have been self-employed for many years. We made some very poor business decisions.

At one time our business was very profitable, we could not go wrong, or so it seemed. As the business became more successful, we hired more people, gave over more decision-making to others, and became careless. Eventually, all things must be paid for! 

You see, we were playing with the enemy. We hired and surrounded ourselves with people led by Satan. We were not true to our God. We were like Israel, an unfaithful wife.

Eventually, we got in trouble with the Internal Revenue Service, the Bank and the Vendors. No one was getting paid. We’d steal from Peter to pay Paul. Employees were grossly overpaid, for doing very little positively. We were overpaid. We lived a very nice lifestyle. 

Our house was furnished with the best, I wore only the finest clothing from Nordstroms. I remember one New Years Eve, I had nothing to wear to a local party so I ran out to Nordys the morning of the party and bought a dress for $500, shoes for $150, and thought nothing of it!

As we began to sink into the quagmire we built, our faithful God began to peel the scales from our eyes. Christ became a living member of our family. Of course, that really only made things worse in the physical world. 

As our lives in Christ grew and were magnified, our earthly lives became unbearable. We were sued, we were beaten, we were maligned, and we were living in Hell. Our marriage fell apart, and then the Lord put it back together! Our finances blew up, and He preserved us. 

At one point, we did not know how to feed our kids; we had no money and no prospects. But, our loving and faithful Lord came to the rescue, over and over again.

He caused our business to survive, when it should have failed. He kept our children fed and clothed, when we should have had nothing. He kept a roof over our heads, when we should have been homeless. The Almighty was good to us, even in our undeserving and faithless lives.

We are on the other side of the quagmire now. We still have great debts, yet our business continues to survive. We own a home that has appreciated greatly. By selling our home, we will raise enough cash to pay off the IRS and the Banks. We are making deals with our creditors to pay off the debts in time. Our marriage and our family have survived. How? Only through the Grace of God.

So, now where do we go, what do we do with our lives? The business will survive management from afar. Why not go on the road? Why not share our story with others? There must be other people like us out there with whom the Lord would like to share his Grace.

A new beginning. That’s our desire. Reunite our family with the family of God. See this glorious country he has provided for our future. I don’t know what lies ahead of us. I don’t know if this is the road the Lord desires us to travel, but I am willing to try anything he points us towards, based on Faith. 

I pray that He leads us as we make the decision to travel for the next two years. Where will we go? Who will we touch? How will we serve our God?

Only God knows.

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