Our home of eight years soon will not be our home. I have such mixed feelings of excitement about the coming adventure, abiding joy over our impending service to God and a deep sense of sadness about the loss of a lifestyle, home and friends.
Over the past 60 days as our escrow drew closer and closer to a close, I grew less and less able to face the fact that this home was no longer ours. I put off the packing (of course, who wouldn’t!!) and I resisted getting forwarding cards to our friends and banks. But, here it is, time to leave.
I think that Jeff has had as much trouble with this as I have, he is irritable and puts off doing the things only he can do (lifting heavy stuff!). The children seem subdued. We all realize that this is the end of an era for our family.
I love this home, I love my garden, and I love my neighborhood. I will miss you all. Goodbye and wish us well, we are off on an adventure.
I am not sure what lies ahead. God has surely put us in this place and time, and we eagerly await his will for our family.
Still we have not found the right RV for our little group of five. What is really interesting is our sense of need. When we first started shopping for a coach, we only looked at the new $150,000 diesel models, we were convinced that was the only thing that would work for the family.
Eventually we graduated to looking for a nice semi-used diesel at about $80,000. Well, now we have arrived….. we are searching for a Gas-powered used RV for about $40,000. Our "needs" have changed. Not our budget, just our perceived need. God is certainly leading us somewhere. (Imagine this Nordstrom shopper living in a $40K RV…. What a change…. What a thrill!!)
Okay, the moving truck has arrived. With a bittersweet heart I turn to go pack my closet. I guess now would be a good time!!
I am absolutely bone weary. We have spent the last three days packing, packing, and packing. Once I got over packing up my clothing and closet… the rest came much more easily. I actually enjoyed tossing clothing I would never be thin enough to wear again! Equally thrilling was tossing clothing I would never be fat enough to wear again! Finally I settled on a few much-loved pieces of clothing. A favorite dress, corduroy pants and a few well chosen tee shirts.
Kurt, bless his soul, worked hard cleaning out his room. I was sad to see him give up his Lego's and action figures. I guess a twelve-year-old has no use for such "childish" playthings. His feet are bigger than Jeff’s feet…. Amazing. He worked very hard, at the end he was just tossing items away. He really just wanted to get out to play after three intensive days of cleaning and packing. I am so glad he still wants to play.
Grace was having much trouble settling into a packing mode. I know how she felt; I was there too! It was almost as if by not really packing we were denying that we are leaving. Eventually, she and I made it through her room. Much of the credit goes to her little friend Christina, who kept us going with "what’s next?".
Eve had a very hard time. She kept asking where her bed was going and if we were going to pack her "me" (blankie). She wanted to be held all day and was very tearful most of the day. I guess this is tough even on a three-year-old.
I love these children so much. They are so brave. They are following their parents without a complaint into a very unknown future. Leaving their rooms, their friends, and their world … behind. What enormous trust they have in Jeff and me.
As I feel my trust and faith in God waver, I remember my darlings little faces, if they can do this, so can I. My heavenly Father knows what His plan is for me, I just have to have enough faith to follow Him.
I think I’ll go watch the children sleep now.
What a week. Monday we closed escrow and moved out of the house. We had to be out by 5:00pm. It took all our energies and all our friends to do the job. Why didn’t I start boxing months ago? Denial. I knew we were moving, I just didn’t act on the fact. Well, all is done now. We are living in a hotel while we look for a motor home and get ready to start set-up for Cub Scout Day Camp on Saturday.
Monday was physically exhausting. Tuesday was just sad. After dropping Grace off at school, I pulled to the side of the road and sobbed. Not just boo hoo, but loud waaaaa!!! I haven’t cried like that since I was a kid.
I feel such a sense of loss. My home, my garden, my neighborhood. Grief, intense and painful, racked my body and soul. I release all my fears and frustrations, my sadness and my sense of loss. It hurts. The crying hurts. I pray out loud to Jesus, PLEASE HELP ME. Hold on to me, Lord. Give me peace and make this hurt subside. Immediately I feel peace. Ah, my God is good. Thank you.
Tuesday, Eve wants to go home to her bed. Where is it she wonders. It is hard to explain to a three-year-old, we don’t live there anymore. She wants her bed. I pray for her.
Wednesday, Grace is tired of living in a hotel. Tired of looking for a motor home and tired of change. She sobs in my arms as we sit on a curb at an RV Lot, "I just want to go home mommy". Honey, I am your home. We may be in a hotel, but wherever Daddy and I are, that is home. She sobs and is so grieved. I pray for her.
Thursday, we drive out to Colton and shop for 9 hours for an RV. At 7:00pm we find a small used dealer, RV Buyers. They have a unit that might work for our family. Kurt misses his friends. He is tired of living "on the road" (we haven’t even hit the road yet!!!). He wants to play with his friends. He hugs me hard, I hug him and let him know I understand his grief. I pray for him.
Friday, the kids stay with the Rachman’s. They spend the night on our old street, soaking up their friends and real beds! Jeff and I go back out to Colton to look for an RV. We check out the one at RV Buyers again. God MUST have sent us to this little dealership. It is so, out of the way.
There sitting on this little lot, we find a Diesel, Slide-out , 37 foot, 1992 Newmar for Forty Three Thousand. We spend the day sitting in it, feeling it out. Friday we go home to the hotel to pray and think about this RV. Is this what God wants for us? We pray together.
Saturday, we go to the bank and get a cashiers check. Again, we drive to Colton. We shake hands on the deal and decide to get a bite to eat before making the final commitment. As we drive off the lot, we head out to look at ONE MORE dealership, just to be certain we are making the right decision. As we exit the freeway to the dealership, there is a parking lot sale going on at Wal-Mart for used cars. We figure we’ll look on our way out, maybe a jeep will be there that we can afford.
At the Dealership we determine that there is nothing there that suits us better, we plan to go back to RV Buyers and pay for the Newmar. We stop at the Wal-Mart and get a bite to eat and check out the used cars. We find a RED 1989 JEEP!!! $2,950. We pay cash for it and drive off. God is good. God is amazing. The exact car we were looking for was there!! God is awesome.
Back to RV Buyers one more time to pick up the RV and drive home. I feel so GOOD!! We have a HOME. The kids feel GOOD!! Jeff feels GOOD!! We have a home. Praise God!
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