Well, it has been a very interesting couple of days. Friday afternoon I took the kids to the local pool and had a wonderful time visiting with the wife of the assistant pastor at Calvary! What a coincidence that we were there at the same time!! Coincidence…. Sure!

In the evening we went to a seminar that Cheryl and John had invited us to, at the Grace Lutheran Church. The speaker was author Larry Christenson. He was fascinating. Again, it was another seminar on leadership in the church. Hmmmm. Think God is doing something here?

After the seminar we went out for dessert with Cheryl and John. We went to the local Denny’s restaurant. Again, (hmmm that word is showing up a lot in our lives!) God had us meet with a young woman there named Stephanie. She needed to find a path back to God… He let us help her find that path. What an honor!!

We ended up back at the ranch (the RV!!) at 1:30 in the morning. All of us, Jeff, me and the kids felt like we had done something for the kingdom! It was wonderful!

The Pastor at Grace (Joe Johnson) was kind enough to invite us back for the Saturday session with Larry. Again, it was a spirit filled day! Our heads are so crammed with Godly information that neither of us is quite sure if our brains can take anything more!!!

This afternoon after church we are going to Cheryl and John’s for supper. I can’t wait to see them.

We have met such wonderful and spirit filled people in Arizona. Everyone here in Show Low has a story of how God led them to this town. He is really moving here… but then, He needs to, it is a predominately Mormon town set in the middle of serious Indian Country, and a nearby town is host to a witch‘s coven. His Spirit is moving over this place.

~~~~

I received an email from a college student the other day. She was sharing that she enjoyed reading our adventures, yet she just couldn’t quite agree with me on the subject of obedience to Jeff. I really had to spend some time thinking about her concern. Rolling it over in my mind before responding to her concern.

I ended up sending her a long email. It was fun to use my brain, put myself in her position, think like a college kid again!! What was even better was asking God to help me tell her about His love, I hope I get a chance to talk face to face with more college kids. They need to know about the simplicity and joy in loving God and being obedient.

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All has not been peachy however. I struggle with not knowing the direction God is taking us! I struggle that we still have unpaid medical bills (from the auto accident in October), that our American Express account needs to be paid, that our brakes are going to cost $2000 and that we are down to our last $50. I worry about the money we have in our tithe account. It is God’s money, we need to spend it for Him. It is so tempting to have it there…. Almost available for our use.

Jeff tells me not to worry, it is his responsibility. But, I do. How do I give this all up to God and to Jeff??? I want to just run in and fix it all myself. We still have one credit card open. Jeff tells me he is going to cut it up, then nothing happens. We operate at such different speeds. It is SO hard for me to wait and have faith that Jeff has got everything under control.

My struggle is to give up control, to have faith in Jeff and in God, that all is going according to His plan. I don’t know what the plan is, and nether does Jeff. Yet, Jeff is comfortable moving forward without a plan, without absolute direction. I have moments of intense fear that Jeff will fail. That he will take the easy way and not the right way.

How can I on one hand doubt Jeff and yet, on the other hand have such confidence in his leadership? Oh gosh, I feel like I am swirling in a giant fog. Swirl, swirl, swirl. Men don’t do this… wish I didn’t either!!!

Well, enough belly-aching. I am going to settle down with some scripture and then Tommy Tenney’s new book “The God Catchers”.

Arrrgh! How can I be so excited one day and so mixed up the next???????

Okay, so part of God’s plan was for us to be here in the White Mountains of Arizona. His Spirit is MOVING in this little corner of the world.

The last several days have been spent with Stephanie, getting her children medical care, finding parenting classes and support, looking for furniture, fixing her car and generally helping her understand that God is moving in her life… if she allows Him. Dr. Garver treated Stephanie and her children, no charge… God is GREAT!

Jeff has been concerned that Stephanie’s car was not safe, so Stephanie and I dropped it off here at RV and Automotive Specialists (the place we are STILL staying at!!). While her car was being repaired, she and I traveled around town doing errands. What an amazing town. God is speaking to the hearts of the residents…. Loudly.

We went to the local cell phone company, Rick’s Cellular One, the incredible staff there gave Stephanie a phone, put $50 credit in minutes on it for her and offered her hope at the same time. One of the employees is a youth pastor at the White Mountain Bible Fellowship. He offered to mentor her, help Stephanie focus her life on God’s plans, rather than her plans. She cried.

Dear Stephanie has been crying lots these last few days, tears of worry have become tears of hope. When we first met her, she was dejected and looked worn out. She was on the edge of hopelessness and despair. She is a changed woman. Her spirits are high, she looks great and she has hope for tomorrow. She is even planning to enroll in the police academy. WOW!

Last night at bible study (at Calvary Chapel), the pastor led everyone in prayer for Stephanie. After the service, a wonderful woman offered to check in on her, help Stephanie through a mentoring relationship. Wow! She and her husband also volunteered to help us move Stephanie on Saturday.

Stephanie found HUD. housing. This is wonderful for her and the children (Emily - 4, Jacob - 2 and Timmy - 7months). They will pay only 30% of whatever Stephanie earns as rent. In this way, she can cut back on her hours (she is full-time on the swing shift at Denny’s) and start back to school! What a blessing for her! We have a group of families that will help her move this weekend!

~~~~

After church last night we went out for dessert with Pastor Brian, his wife and children, Cheryl and John and our gang of kids. What great fellowship! Whoever said Christians have no fun…. WRONG!! These people know how to have a good time!

Jeff has been spending his days helping John (Cheryl’s husband) with his business. John had some employees flake-out so, Jeff has been volunteering to help John on his backlog of jobs. It has been good for Jeff. He leaves each morning at 8:00 and returns around 6:30. He seems to be enjoying the work and the fellowship with John.

In the meantime, Cheryl and I have been doing a few “things” around town! We spent most of Tuesday distributing invitations in town to the Resurrection Celebration on Easter Sunday! We put them in every hotel in Show Low. Not one refused to accept the invitations! It was amazing how many people wanted one right out of my hands… this town is hungry for God.

Cheryl and I also had a very interesting experience:

There was a young woman in town that was burned out of her home and lost everything except the clothing on the families backs! It was a miracle that she and her children survived. In any event, Cheryl had taken up an offering of clothing for this young woman. We were delivering it to her in the parking lot of the Safeway supermarket.

This woman, arrived in a little black car with a female friend. They pulled in behind us and we proceeded to get acquainted. My alarm was clanging loudly. Something didn’t feel right. I shrugged it off and proceeded to help transfer the clothing and supplies into the women’s car. The friend walked over to where my girls were waiting and began talking to them through the open door of the car. She was speaking in a hushed voice.

Something told me to get her away from Grace and Eve. I shut the door between them and told the girls to stay still and stay together… I moved back to the two women now standing beside Cheryl as she shared the invitations for Resurrection Sunday. I couldn’t say anything. Imagine, me… speechless!

Cheryl asked if we could pray for them, we joined hands and she began praying. All I could think of was getting away. My hands were anxiously waiting for the prayer to be done. I could barely stand to hear the end of the prayer. There was a deep pain in my spirit. Something felt bad.

Grace told me later that the woman was exhorting her that “the Daddy isn’t really in charge, the Mommy is”. Weird.

As soon as Cheryl finished praying, I raced off to the bathroom inside the Safeway. My hands felt unclean. I felt unclean. It was a terrible feeling. As I washed my hands, the water turned black. I felt as though I were washing evil from my skin. Cheryl brought the girls into the bathroom, we all washed and prayed

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

NKJV, 2 Timothy 1:7

We discovered that these women were from a nearby, a place where there is a witches coven that worships the black arts and the enemy. I must pray for the souls of these women.

The presence of God is alive on this mountain… the enemy is also here.

        For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

NKJV, Ephesians 6:12

Time to shine up the Armor!

~~~~

I was doing laundry on Wednesday and I met a woman who was so interested in our lives. I shared our adventure and the gospel. She accepted a bible and a mustard seed pin. She cried.

God is moving on this mountain.

God may be moving on this mountain… but I sure wish He’d help me stop moving my mouth!

Last night we had dinner with Pastor Brian (Calvary Chapel - White Mountains), Armour (Worship Leader) and their wives. It was a great dinner of the most delicious Prime Rib I have ever tasted, it actually melted in my mouth! I assured Jeff that it took special talent to cook like that… talent I will never posses!!!

After dinner we sat around the dinner table and talked of this and that, as people do when they are getting to know each other. As usual I told stories of our journey, our lives and our families. We laughed lots and had great fellowship!

Jeff was really quiet. I knew that he was tired from the week of helping John at various jobsites. However, this was a deeper silence. I just felt that things were off with my husband. We took our leave at about 9:00 and went back to our little house on wheels. When we arrived home and after settling the girls into bed, I asked Jeff if all was well.

Then it occurred to me… I asked if I had embarrassed him during the evening. For the first time in MANY years, his answer was yes. I had used a vulgar word during my story telling. It had embarrassed him in front of these fine people we were just getting to know.

I just about died. I felt so bad. Jeff told me I just need self-control, I get carried away telling stories and enjoying the laughter of the people listening. I felt such shame. How could I embarrass this man that I love so very much?

I sulked for the rest of the evening. I just couldn’t get beyond my stupidity. Jeff thought I was mad at him. When we went to sleep he mentioned that my mood was awful and that he hoped I would be more pleasant in the morning. Arrgh. I was not trying to be unpleasant, just disappointed in myself that I could reflect so poorly on Jeff during our evening out with our new friends. ARRGH!

I wonder sometimes if I will ever be a real grown-up.  (I think this is called self-pity!)

We spent an interesting afternoon driving the roads here in the White Mountains. Since it had snowed yesterday, most of the roads were wet and muddy. It was great fun going up and down slippery mountain roads in the mud!! There were many a sign warning that the road was “primitive”. However, there were many houses tucked away in amongst the trees (and mud!).

We had great fun choosing a house and pretending we were going to live here. We kept seeing signs for moose, but never saw one! We even happened upon a place called Wilderness Ranch. It is a campground for hire, set up like an old west town, complete with bunkhouses and horses! Looked like a great place for the summer!

After our drive we went by the Bennett’s house to pick up a little table for Stephanie. The Bennett’s are selling their furniture and I had met them several days ago as Stephanie and I drove around town doing errands. I gave them three dollars for the table and they also gave me three boxes of groceries and a bag of potatoes for Stephanie and her kids!

Mrs. Bennett said she got some of the food at an outreach in town. They provide groceries to anyone in need on Tuesdays and Thursdays from twelve noon until two in the afternoon. What a great resource for folks that need the help. Depending on our situation, I may utilize the resource for our family. God is truly stripping away my “self” one layer at a time!

I have prayed so many times for my “self” or my “will” to die, so that there is room for Jesus. He is a gracious and loving God to slowly strip me of my pride, rather than just make me jump in the deep end all at once!

~~~~

Mom just called, Katy is on the way to the hospital to have her baby!! I want to be there.

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I just received another email from my godly friend Jodi. I am certain that God sent her to me as a means of ensuring that a smarter, more godly, and more mature Christian woman was mentoring me…. That I don’t go off on some wild tangent or something.

Jodi’s emails always arrive just when I am on the edge, unsure which way to turn, in need of encouragement or just plain in need of a good belly laugh! She is also a homeschooler and shares with me some of her trials and tribulations (and boy don’t homeschoolers have them!!) over teaching philosophies, curriculum and other nefarious educational subjects.

Today Jodi was sharing with me about the Lifestyles of Learning philosophy. It is a method of teaching based on God’s desire for our growth and production of “good fruit”. Of course, everything Jodi shares with me ends up about surrendering to God’s will and submitting my will to His perfection… of course!!!

She writes:

OH NO!!! More about surrendering my will. Is God ever going to give up on me? How much does He have to do to get me to surrender my will??? Now this concept is even invading my schooling!! ARRRGH!!

I read and re-read Jodi’s mail.

Surrender. Pray For Daily Guidance. Good Fruit. Simplicity. Second Chances. God’s Perfection.

Daily guidance? I pray daily...    

"Thanks for this, thanks for that, we need this, we need that… oh yah, please bless so and so, lift up thus and such“…. 

I know that there are many believers that daily ask God for guidance and direction:

“Good morning God, what’s on the schedule for today?”.

But what if He doesn’t answer? What if His answer is really me… just talking to myself? How do I make sure I am hearing God?

I know that little voice in my head is supposed to be God. I just wish He would just shout at me once and awhile. Or better yet, give it to me in writing. That would be awesome, wouldn’t it!!  If every morning I rise to find a little note from God:

That would be a miracle! I am so worried about doing the wrong thing that I loose track of just following God and His simple and perfect will for my life. I miss His messages to me as I desperately try to unravel His will. I over-think and analyze all “my thoughts”, trying to determine which is of God and which is of flesh.

I just need a whack on the side of the head from God. Like a parent taking my head in both of His hands and pointing it directly at my chore list. We are to “be as little children”… okay, I feel pretty darned “youthful” right now.

Sometimes I just want to shout… “HEY GOD…. Look at me! Do You like what I am doing?? What else do You want me to do Daddy?? How can I please You today Abba? PLEASE look at me Father!! TALK TO ME.”

Maybe if I would just shut up and stop shouting and whining, I might hear what He has been whispering to me all along. Maybe if I could just shut my brain down long enough to hear the silence, I would hear His gentle voice. Or maybe He is shouting at me… I just have earplugs in.

Please Abba, teach me to hear you.

Why, oh why do Jodi's emails always do this to me??? Make me think!!  

I woke with a jolt this morning. Whack, Whack! I awoke to two swift kicks in the rump! Jeff was having another fighting dream, defending himself in his sleep and WHACK, WHACK, he kicked the bad guy…. Only the bad guy was me!!!

This is the second night/morning in a row that he has had fighting dreams and kicked me while he was asleep. Yesterday I got it in the legs, today it was in the rear end! After my initial surprise, I just could not stop laughing.

Every joke you ever heard about a “kick in the butt”, ran through my brain. Poor darling Jeff was so upset that I was laughing and that he had kicked me… again! He was really upset and all I could do was guffaw, in fact I was laughing so hard I was “snorting”!!

If the enemy is trying to upset me, it’s not working! I just cannot stop giggling! Poor Jeff, it is serious for him, he is having these terrible dreams. Someone was trying to smash him with a rock in this one. This is serious for him, he feels terrible for kicking me! My darling is worried about these dreams… and all I can do is burst into belly laughs!!

I mean really, I’ve heard of a kick in the butt, but this is ridiculous!!!

~~~~

My darling sister had her little girl today. My heart longs to be with them.

Jeff got a paycheck today! He came home with $320 from John for his work last week! When he showed us the check, the kids all cheered and thanked him! Jeff was beaming! Funny, it is the smallest paycheck he has ever received and yet, it is the biggest. We celebrated his earnings and the kids hugged Jeff and shouted with joy!

Later Jeff told me that it made him feel like a million bucks!! In the days when he would bring home many thousands of dollars, no one ever thanked him or treated him special. This $320 paycheck and the response it generated from his family created such a sense of satisfaction in my darling husband.

After putting ten percent in an envelope for tithe, another ten percent in an envelope for savings, and buying $68 dollars of paper towels, milk, and other basics, we have a grand total of $188 !! This will pay for the gas to get us to our next destination…. Wherever that might be!!

So many times this week I have wanted to sit down and write. I have missed my daily devotions each morning as the week overwhelmed me and held me captive. It has been an week fraught with trials and more learning.

Most of the week the children and I spent helping Stephanie and her children. She has joined us for worship twice this week, on Sunday morning and Thursday evening. Stephanie is becoming a different person. One with hope, direction and purpose.

The kids and I spent a great deal of time this week traveling around to the different charitable organizations looking for furniture donations and household goods for Stephanie’s new home. She has a really hard time keeping her house clean and organized. This is partially due to the simple fact that she is a young mom with three children under the age of four. The other aspect is that she has just never been trained properly. Her own mother gave birth to her at the tender age of 15, and was unable to parent Stephanie properly. Her mother is a strange creature, she makes me uncomfortable and I leave when she is around.

Stephanie’s mom is only 38 and has a two-year-old daughter herself. She is so ugly to Stephanie. The words that fall out of her mouth are like pins, pricking the skin with each utterance. I have yet to hear any words of motherly concern or support. Mostly she tears at Stephanie’s heart. It is painful to hear and watch. It is no wonder that Stephanie ran away from home at 18 to marry the wrong man.

We found so many souls willing and anxious to help Stephanie. The world is full of loving and kind people. Everywhere I went, people wanted to give me furniture or clothing to help this little family. It was heartwarming.

I also had a long conversation with Dr. Garver’s daughter Gina. She wants to help Stephanie so very much! Gina shared with me that the day she met Stephanie (when her dad cared for the family), changed her life. Stephanie and her children captured Gina’s heart and she feel compelled to mentor the young mother.

Wal-mart has offered to help with new bedding for Stephanie’s home. I asked them to help defray the cost of new bedding, towels, kitchen linens and couch slipcovers for the new home. My feeling is that if Stephanie has an opportunity to live in a home that is beautiful and has fresh linens she will feel more like a productive human, not just another “loser”.

Beautiful things give a person a fresh outlook. New sheets and towels make you feel great. I can’t imagine the depression of sleeping in used and tattered sheets, no covers or pillows. Stephanie and her kids all sleep on two mattresses on the floor. This we must change!

On Saturday I took Stephanie to Wal-mart and we did a “fantasy shop”. She picked out all new linens, bedding and such. Then I took the whole kaboodle to customer service to be held until next week. I totaled each room and made a list of all the items. Now all I have to do is ask Wal-mart how much they are willing to help us with the list.

Jim Akers at Friends of the Mountain Thrift gave me $20 dollars towards Stephanie’s Wal-mart items. What an awesome and generous man! This town is an amazing place.

~~~~

Kurt has spent most of the week in the company of Ian, a grandson of Sharon and Leon DuPere. This wonderful couple fellowship at Calvary and have helped us move Stephanie. They even contributed a new kitchen table and chairs to the effort! Leon is also rebuilding a crib that was donated as well as helping us with a fence for the yard and shelves in the closet.

The DuPiere family live here on the mountain en masse! All of their grown children live here and some of them even live on the same piece of acreage. Sharon homeschooled her children back when it meant you might be put in jail for keeping your kids out of public school. She is an amazing and powerful Christian woman. Her life revolves around Jesus and her family.

Kurt seems to have really integrated into the youth group at Calvary Chapel. He has dug ditches to help raise money for the youth group, played softball with them and fellowshipped nearly every other evening with them. It has been great to see him so involved and committed!

Kurt is applying for a position as a missionary to Mexico this summer through Lifeline Missions (out of Calvary Albuquerque). He has to turn in his application this weekend along with $60. The cost of the month long program is $695. Kurt is going to have to raise the money himself if he wants to go on the mission. It is long past the time that Jeff and I can just fork over the money for his interests. It is true though, where a man’s treasure is, there also is his heart. So for Kurt to raise the money himself is a great experience. He will have to solicit donations from businesses, do car washes, and save LOTS of cans!!

I think that the missionary experience will change his life dramatically. He will find a greater and deeper commitment to Christ and a heart for people. I am so thrilled that he has chosen and really wants to go into the mission field! What an amazing kid!

~~~~

I have also seen Grace mature this week as we have helped Stephanie and her children. My little Grace has willingly taken care of Stephanie’s children as we worked to get her moved and into parenting classes. Grace even cleaned Stephanie’s house one afternoon, on her own with no complaint or tears. She volunteered!

Grace’s heart is being softened as we help others. She is learning the value and beauty of being a servant of God. Stephanie’s oldest son, Jacob, frustrates Grace to no end. Yet she never complains or raises her voice in anger to this little boy. She just smiles and carries on with the task at hand (which is hard with a two-year-old).

God is doing a work in my Gracie.

~~~~

God has also done a work in me this week.

I have prayed often for my will to die to make more room for God in my life. To die to self is hard. It is so easy to want to take charge and direct things. However, God can’t use a self-sufficient person… a broken one he can and will use to do magnificent things for the kingdom!

So, my prayers over the last few months have been to die to self, to find more of God in my heart and daily life.

Well, God answers prayers!

This week, for the first time in my life, I had go to a food pantry. It was hard. And yet, it was a freeing and releasing experience. Charity. I had to ask for help to feed our family. We have now completely run out of money. We must now fully rely on God. Fully.

We are completely immersed in doing God’s work. The first six months of this journey was a training time. We learned how to live in thirty seven feet. We struggled with separation from friends and family. It was a difficult time. But it was a time of refining.

Although we are not yet completely trained in ministry work, God is now allowing us to do a bit of it for His glory. As a result, we are now learning to live on the providence of God. So, although we cannot spend any money on “things” or even basic needs, we are being completely provided for by our wonderful God.

There is no reason for anyone to starve in America. I cannot believe the generosity of these people at the various food missions. They are loving and kind, anxious to ensure that we have food! It has been a humbling experience.

~~~~

God is also being so very patient with me! A lovely man at the Friends of the Mountain Ministry tried to give me $20 towards our mission work and living expenses. I refused the money. Afterward Jeff scolded me, how could I refuse a blessing from God? But I was so embarrassed! I don’t want other peoples money.

Jeff asked me if I felt good when I donated money to others. Yes, of course. Well, he replied, how could I refuse the love of someone wanting to help us. What a double standard… it is okay for me to help someone, but it isn’t okay for someone to help me.

Pride. Humility. Gosh, no one likes to learn humility. God teaches this lesson and we fight the homework. He wants us to be humble, He has no room for the prideful.

Later that evening God gave me another chance to learn the lesson and accept the love of another.

~~~~

I had a hard day yesterday (Friday, April 13). Mostly I cried. Jeff was mean to me and I was so tired. The week was spent “doing” for others, and I was just plain tired. I had witnessed or ministered to three or more people each day. My heart was tired. I was tired!

The day started out bad. I woke Jeff to complain that he had really wounded me on Thursday morning after a family meeting. He reprimanded me in front of the children, effectively disabling my authority to parent in his absence. I could have waited… there was no need for me to wake him in such a miserable manner.

Jeff then did it again! He was irritated with Kurt over something and instead directing his comments to Kurt, I was the object of his reprimand. I pointed it out and he apologized. We will get better at this!!!!

Jeff had worked all week for John again. Most days he did not get home until very late. Jeff says the experience has been good for him, he is learning what it was like for his employees to work for him at Sound Pacific. John and he are very similar in their work ethic and styles.

What a great classroom, for Jeff to work for a man like himself essentially! He is finding that his expectations of his employees were not realistic. It is difficult to work for someone obsessed with work and unaware of life outside the job. This is such a blessing for Jeff.

In any event, Jeff had Friday off, as they worked the last two days very late, not arriving home until well after ten o’clock each day. He decided to rest yesterday morning as I scooted off with the children to yet another stretch of ministry work with Stephanie. I arrived home just after lunch, in tears. I was so tired.

The girls went into Cheryl’s house to help her daughter Maria with housework and share their lunch. We moved to Cheryl and John’s driveway as the repairs on our coach were completed. Actually, I had moved us here Thursday evening while Jeff was at work. I packed up the coach, drove to a public dump station - did the yucky dumping and then parked and leveled the coach on the property next to Cheryl and John’s driveway. Cheryl then ferried me back to get the Isuzu and bring it to her home.

So, I was tired.

I just needed some loving. Jeff however had his own “stuff”. He had a terrible day yesterday, making several mistakes on the job - falling into self-doubt and depression. I don’t think that Jeff thought my week had been so very tough compared to his long work days.

Through my tears I asked him to accompany me on the balance of my errands for the afternoon. He agreed to join me. We drove. And then he hit me between the eyes, figuratively. He laid down the law. I must keep the house cleaner! No more children’s toys spread about. I must teach the children to pick-up after themselves. Huh???

I listened to his instructions. He told me to go back on Prozac, that I am acting like my old weird self. I need to focus more on the family, keep the car clean and pick-up. I was being disobedient. I felt as though I was being kicked while I was already down for the count. I just listened and prayed for peace.

Then I just couldn’t take any more. I swerved to the side of the road and said I needed a walk, he could just drive home and I would meet him there (almost five miles back down the road!). Jeff took off in the car. I walked, cried and prayed.

The problem has to be with me. But there was no problem until today. All of a sudden Jeff is weird. He is moody and a control freak. What the heck is going on???? I prayed and prayed for God to help me be better the job of wife and mother. I prayed and prayed for God to telling what He was teaching me. What do I need to do????

Then Jeff showed up. “Please get in the car”. I did. And we continued down the road towards town and my errands. We didn’t say much. But we both worked to be peaceful and not hurtful. We spent the next four hours meeting with other ministry workers in the community, finding donations for both Stephanie and a team of Missionaries in Romania. We picked up some food at a pantry for our family. As we drove home, Jeff commented that missionary work was hard.

Yep.

When we arrived home, I went across the drive to talk to Cheryl, our hostess. When I ran back to the coach to ask Jeff to do something for Cheryl he became angry. I hadn’t asked him first before volunteering his skills. AND, the house was a MESS!

I spent the next several hours cleaning, cooking dinner and cleaning. Quietly after dinner I took our dirty clothing out of the RV and went off to do the laundry at 9:00pm. Anything to get some peace and perhaps this would pacify Jeff.

Well our dear God had something up his sleeve for me …. Again!

I learned as I drove to the next town (the only 24 hour laundry on the mountain), that like Moses and the Jews in the wilderness, our plan is to just follow the cloud. That’s the sum and total of our future plans. Yes, our goal is the promised land - full of milk and honey (heaven), but the path there is guided by God, not our plans.

After getting the laundry started, I read a scripture left on our guest book (on the website) someone had left for me. Isaiah 54:16-17. Ahhhhhh. It filled me with peace and comfort. And… It gave me a clue. Why was this week so hard? Why were Jeff and I at such odds? What the heck is going on????

More attacks. The destroyer was working hard to destroy my peace, our marriage, our journey. Ah ha! Since the attack on our website did not work (the guestbook was spammed in a demonic manner…. After nearly a year of great comments!! Hmmmmm!). And the attack on Jeff’s dreams (and my rear end!! Ouch!!) was unsuccessful. The enemy was trying to get us through our love for each other.

NO WAY!! Not going to happen. Then I read Revelation 19 and was filled with such passion for our Lord that I had to close my eyes and bask in the Holy Spirit. I understood! I can endure all things with God, my goal is not the here and now, it is the promise of life with Him. I can endure anything, even Jeff’s anger… tiredness… hateful messages… anything! My reward is eternal life with my Lord.

Just then a man entered the Laundromat, he introduced himself as Robert. For some reason he shared with me that he was a born-again Christian. We began to talk, to share our stories. As we talked about the wonders of our God and I shared with Robert about our adventures serving Him, this wonderful man slipped $40 into my hands, insisting that I take the money. He said he had plenty of money and was grateful that our family had given up everything to serve the Lord.

God gives second chances. Here I was… faced with the same situation over money… again. All in one day. I thought about what Jeff had said earlier about allowing others to bless us, thereby blessing themselves. I thought about the scriptures I had read.

And I thanked this marvelous man for his generous and kind donation.

Robert admonished me to accept gifts from others, they would not give if they did not have the ability to give. He didn’t know what had happened earlier over the $20 from the kind man at Friends of the Mountain. God had moved Robert to give me a second chance to learn this lesson of humility and grace.

After finishing the laundry, I raced home to share with Jeff the lessons that I had learned. We agreed that we had been under attack these last several days. And we vowed that no one, not satan, not ANYONE would set us off our path towards Christ. We would not let anyone or anything destroy our unity and our purposeful walk on God’s journey. We embraced and peace descended over our hearts and our home.

“no weapon forged against you will prevail…”

Today is our sixteenth wedding anniversary. Wow that seems like a long time. Ohhhh! We are sweet sixteen today!! Giggle.

I can’t wait to see what God does in our lives today!

Monday, April 16

We had a wonderful Resurrection Sunday. After church, we went back to Cheryl’s house and had a great dinner of Ham, Turkey and a zillion side-dishes. After stuffing ourselves, we went back to the RV… just steps away in their driveway, and had a lovely nap… It was wonderful!

Friendship is an amazing and wonderful experience. God has been so great to us in this department! In Tucson we had Joyce and Eric, two of the most godly and fun people that Jeff and I have ever had the pleasure of knowing! In Show Low, He gave us Cheryl and John.

As with Joyce, Cheryl gives me the pleasure of friendship I have only know after years of acquaintance and eventual fellowship in other relationships. There was no beginning to this friendship. It is as if it always has been.

I thank God for this both of these wonderful sisters in Christ. How I would have made it through these last three months without their companionship and council, I just do not know!!

Plus… both of these women can cook!! Oh my gosh…. I had best learn this skill!

We had a wonderful Resurrection Sunday. After church, we went back to Cheryl’s house and had a great dinner of Ham, Turkey and a zillion side-dishes. After stuffing ourselves, we went back to the RV… just steps away in their driveway, and had a lovely nap… It was wonderful!

Friendship is an amazing and wonderful experience. God has been so great to us in this department! In Tucson we had Joyce and Eric, two of the most godly and fun people that Jeff and I have ever had the pleasure of knowing! In Show Low, He gave us Cheryl and John.

As with Joyce, Cheryl gives me the pleasure of friendship I have only know after years of acquaintance and eventual fellowship in other relationships. There was no beginning to this friendship. It is as if it always has been.

I thank God for this both of these wonderful sisters in Christ. How I would have made it through these last three months without their companionship and council, I just do not know!!

Plus… both of these women can cook!! Oh my gosh…. I had best learn this skill!

Thursday, April 19

It has been another week, busy with the projects God has put in my heart. Stephanie is doing great! She is looking better, more rested and confident. Although she still struggles with her future and her frustrations of single parenthood, her countenance has gained peace and hope. It has been an amazing transformation to witness!

Wal-Mart donated $45 towards Stephanie’s “fantasy shop”. With that money and the $20 from Friends of the Mountain, I put her linens on hold. Several women at the Calvary Chapel expressed interest in donating money to help get her the items at Wal-mart. I gave them the layaway number and prayed. I pray that the costs are covered completely… Stephanie needs sheets, pillows and towels - new ones, not old used thrift shop ones.

It has been such a great blessing to watch Stephanie blossom and grow! She has attended Church again tonight… God is doing a work in her heart!

~~~~

I have been so pleased to meet a number of people here in Show Low that are doing God’s work in caring for the widows and orphans! I pray for the continued financial and physical support of their work. There is so much oppression here on this mountain, it is thrilling to see so many doing God’s work in the midst of difficult situations!

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Kurt sent in his application for mission work with Lifeline Missions in Mexico! He is so excited! He is going to need to raise over $600 to fund his travel costs! His idea is to write letters to various corporations and ask for their support. Too bad he doesn’t attend a youth group on a regular basis… or at least the same one over a period of months!! If he did, then car washes and bake sales would help tremendously!

It is so cool to see him get into the planning for his stint at doing God’s work! I am so incredibly blessed at his willingness and heart for God. Since Mexico is his destination, it looks like Spanish will be high on our list of subjects over the next few months!!

~~~~

It appears that we will be leaving on Monday and heading towards Albuquerque. Still no word from Jeff’s folks that they would like us to come to Sioux Falls at this point. So, New Mexico is our current heading. I would like to go to Colorado after that… only God knows!!

I have just spent the day with my girls! We had a terrific time doing NOTHING!! We ran a few errands in the morning and then after a little nap-e-poo, we cleaned house. Boy oh boy, did we clean!!!

It was really fun, we scrubbed the floor, vacuumed, re-organized all the cupboards and generally giggled a ton. The girls took turns saying “boo” to each other, each time dissolving into peals of laughter! Ahh, I love this little bungles of girlhood and joy so very much!

Jeff and Kurt went to Flagstaff today to work with John on a project there. Jeff is working so very hard.

I spoke with a good friend today. She reminds me that part of my responsibility is to speak good and honoring words and thoughts about others. Particularly of my husband.

As I read back over my journal of the past weeks in Show Low, I find that I have not always been as loving with my words towards Jeff as I had imagined. It has been a frustrating time. Jeff has certainly struggled with his “earning power”, as well as his tremendous output of energy to support this family over the past three weeks.

Have I been insensitive to his struggles? Was it prideful for me to discontinue taking specific medications, without asking his permission or even his input. Has my focus been in the right place? I have spent so much, in fact all, of my time involved in helping this person or that person. Getting donations for this event or that ministry… has it led me to neglect my first responsibility, my family?

Jeff has asked me repeatedly over the last couple of weeks to make specific calls or do particular errands for him. Have I done them with a willing heart? No. I have been so involved In my own “thing”, that I have only been his helpmeet grudgingly.

It is so easy to get involved in the worldly aspect of life. Even if that involvement with mission related activities. How many people have I actually shared the gospel with? I think I have potentially spent more time working projects than actually being a bearer of the message of Christ.

How to balance husband and children, good works, and most importantly spreading the gospel.

This is quite a tightrope.

I sit here at the computer weeping. We leave the White Mountains tomorrow. I am going to miss these people so very much. They have touched my heart, my soul.

I will miss Sharon and Leon - their enthusiasm for God and his people. Jeanine and Mitch - their love of the growing that Jesus does daily in all our lives. My heart will miss Armor and Roxanne and the incredible worship they ignite with their music. Bryan and Alicia, their faith and steadfast expectation of our reunion in paradise. I will miss Stephanie and her children, and the joy of watching them grow in His love and grace.

My heart breaks as we leave the warm embrace of John, Cheryl and Maria Governale. I yearn for the time we will be together again. They have taken us into their hearts and their lives. New tears cascade down my face as I think of their loving faces and the prospect of leaving them behind tomorrow. I love these wonderful souls who have made us a part of their family. Oh, Lord God…. Why is this so difficult?

The comings and goings should be commonplace at this point in our journey. Yet, it feels as though I am leaving home afresh. I could have been happy here in the mountains with all these amazing people of Christ. I will carry a piece of this place in my heart forever.

I long to watch Maria as she grows up and finds her place in the service of Jesus. Her mature and deep love for our Savior absolutely renews my heart and mind each time I look at her freshly scrubbed young face. A face that shines with the pure love of youth for the most wonderful lover ever… Jesus.

Cheryl has enveloped me with her love and acceptance. Her wise counsel has become a joy to my heart. I will miss the giggling and the growing that she and I have done together in such a short time. It has only been three weeks, and yet, it feels as if we have been sisters our entire lives. I know her. She knows me.

And John. His warm countenance and gentle heart has been a panacea to my soul. His gentle voice admonishing and teaching has been a centerpiece to our comfort and home, here in the White Mountains of Arizona. He has been a good and faithful friend to Jeff. His loving heart has enfolded my darling man in a friendship that will last through eternity.

I will miss this place and these people. The tears just keep coming.

Gallup, New Mexico. We have left Arizona.

This morning I woke up to a beautiful view of a rocky formation outside the bedroom window. We are parked at the edge of the parking lot of the Gallup Wal-Mart. The rock formations are curious and beautiful. They entreat the eye to explore their rugged beauty. It is a feast.

It is cold. I have come out to the front room of the RV to make some coffee and do my devotions, I am going to read Acts again. But it is so quiet out here. Where is the chirping of our little chicken? She isn’t in the bunny cage. I look everywhere… nowhere to be found.

And then I spy a plastic milk bottle on it’s side, with a tiny hole cut into the bottom. There our little chick is sleeping… poor thing is so cold. After rescuing the chicken from it’s little abode (hand-made by Kurt, I am sure!!), I feed the animals and set the bunny free to roam the coach. How amusing to watch these animals. Here we are… farm on wheels.

Yesterday we went through the painted desert and looked at the petrified forest. It was really beautiful. Grace kept asking where the forest was and how come all the “trees” were laying down. She thought we were going to go through a “forest” of rock trees. Standing upright!

The scenery was beautiful as we left Arizona. Onwards towards Albuquerque today!

Wednesday, April 25

Albuquerque here we are!! We arrived around 4:00pm yesterday and drove straight to the Calvary Chapel that is Pastored by Skip Heitzig. We met Skip at the Pastor’s Conference in Tucson last month and really want to hear him teach a couple of times before we move on!

The first thing I did was go up to the church office to introduce ourselves and ask permission to park overnight in the church lot. I asked about Skip, but everyone was very vague. He must get lots of visitors and the staff must be trying to protect him.

When I went into the church office, the first thing I did was ask to speak with an Assistant Pastor. They were a little hesitant but suggested I wait a moment while they find someone to help me, I waited nearly thirty minutes. After standing there for so long, without any real feeling of hospitality or welcome, I wandered back past the now vacant secretarial desk and handed my card to another gal in the back offices.

I assumed, so I told her, that they were so busy and I wanted just to leave my card and let them know that we were here to be of service. Then I left the offices to find the Lifeline Missions office which is located on the back of the church property.

I found my way to the Missions Office. The only one around was the Director of the program, Matthew Ellis. What a gem of a guy. I told him our story (and that Kurt has applied to go on one of their missions this summer), and offered our labor. Funny thing, he does need their seven portable sound systems checked out… we agreed that Jeff would come by in the morning to help. Matthew was great! He said there was no problem with us staying in the parking lot!

Perhaps we are in this town to help Lifeline Missions? Who knows. (Only God!)

As I wandered back through the maze of buildings and offices, I ran across the secretary and pastor that had originally asked me to wait for someone to talk to on the pastoral staff. A young pastor was with them, they suggested I should speak with him. I told this fellow our story. He proceeded to “share the gospel” with me. I again offered our help in any way, he will send emails to the staff.

This is a really big church. Perhaps too big for me. I am sure that God is trying to teach me something about the body of Christ through this experience. It is just so uncomfortable to be in a place so big and impersonal.

In the evening I went to a Women’s bible study (Thessalonians) and really enjoyed the teaching (by Teri Church) immensely. She was very good. I also met her husband, Bob, who is apparently the Pastor in charge of the grounds and staff. He was pleasant. Bob was agreeable to our staying in the parking lot.

A benefit of such a large church is a teaching ministry for women. It was a great learning time for me. Someday I hope we can participate in a church with such a ministry for women. Every church (large or small) should have such a ministry to women. Women sometimes need that extra teaching, outside of Sunday services. It helps to keep us on track as helpmeets and mothers.

So, today we learn more about this church… I hope we are able to contribute…. I hope that the lessons that God has for us here are not “too painful”!!! He always seems to be taking me out of my comfort zone… here we are again.

~~~~

Yesterday was also a great school day. I felt as though I was accomplishing something! Sometimes homeschooling on the road is a bit like being in a vacuum. I am not always sure that I am on the right track!

I started giving Kurt and Grace the C.A.T. (California Achievement Test) that I received from Thurber’s Assessment Company (a company that provides testing for homeschoolers). I am looking forward to the results. I want to find out what I am missing in their education. Funny, I am not required to give this test through the state of California…. This is entirely on my own.

I think it would be good for homeschoolers to be able to avail themselves of the state testing without having to pay for the test. It would really help us to keep on track. The problem being that if homeschoolers were required to administer such tests to their children, the government could then step in and interfere with the homeschoolers control of the curriculum and teaching. It is a double edged sword.

I know there are some homeschoolers who do not want ANY government interference. Then there are others, that don’t mind. I just want to ensure that my kids are learning properly and that I am not failing them. Homeschooling in our situation is a bit like being in a vacuum. Perhaps if I had other homeschool moms to share with on a more regular basis (like over a cup of coffee!), I would not be so worried about failing Kurt and Grace.

The kids also wrote an article about our trip through the Petrified Forest. It was really interesting to see how different they each viewed the experience. Kurt did a lot of research (we were in the Gallup Public Library) and Grace wrote from just one source outside her experience. It was really interesting. Other than grammar, both papers were really good.

Grammar has got to be high on my priority list. Arrgh.

~~~~

I ran out of coffee today. I did make a pot from yesterday’s grounds… yuck!

This place is big. We are staying in the parking lot of the Calvary Chapel - Albuquerque. Yesterday Jeff and I tried to understand and observe how a big church like this operates.. (12,000 adults attend the church) Thus far, our experiences here are very different than at either the White Mountain or Tucson Calvary Chapels.

When we arrived here, there was not much interest in us from the staff. In fact that first afternoon as I visited the church offices to introduce ourselves and ask for permission to camp in the parking lot, I waited in the reception office a really long time. It was very uncomfortable. And then, we really haven’t met anyone too interested in letting us serve here.

Eventually we found the LifeLine Missions office and the director is going to let Jeff check out their portable PA systems today, to ensure they are in working order before going out into the field. They also needed some help stuffing bags with candy for a mission trip this weekend to Juarez, Mexico.

Still, other than the mission office (same group Kurt is going with this summer), the church remains big and cold. After church last night we had an opportunity to meet with Skip Heitzig (the Pastor) and say hello. We had met him at the Pastors conference in Tucson last month and were drawn here as a result.

It was funny. As we walked up to shake hands, an assistant pastor whispered into Skips ear who we were. Skip was very generous and kind, welcoming us and spending a few moments talking. He is an excellent bible teacher and a wonderful one-on-one pastor.  It must be a challenge for such a wonderful pastor to find time to pastor to all the church members, as well as time to pastor to his staff  -  how can he with 12,000 members?

We are learning again. At the White Mountain Calvary, we were big fish in a little pond. Bryan the pastor had the time to invest in us, he was interested and could use us to benefit the body. Here in Albuquerque, we are very little fish. Humbling. There are tons of people here that are on missions or are involved in spreading the word. We are just one of many.

In the White Mountains we learned that we were special to God. That we had a part in his body that would make a difference, somewhere. In Albuquerque we are learning that we are just a small part of the larger body. That our contribution, although important to God, is really just a piece of the whole work of the kingdom.

God is really great in his parenting of us. We are in a state of constant learning and growing. He certainly doesn’t want us to become too comfortable and satiated. Discomfort and appetite for the Kingdom are what helps to further the Kingdom.

~~~~

Kurt and Grace are working today at the Lifeline Missions Office, helping to stuff 5,000 bags of candy for needy kids in Juarez, Mexico. It is amazing to watch them as they get involved helping others on behalf of the King. They are beautiful children and make my heart leap.

I told Grace last night that I was so proud of her behavior and attitude. She said, “Mom, please don’t be proud of me, that is a sin…”. I was rebuked by my little daughter! I said that she was correct, and that I was pleased with her behavior and work ethic.

They learn so well.

~~~~

On a practical note…. WE MUST FIND WATER today! We also need to dump… ahhhh the civility of boon-docking!

I had a chance to talk at length with my little brother last night (okay, he’s taller than me and has two children of his own, but he will always be my little guy!). It was such fun talking with him and just having the opportunity to be siblings.

I told him about our use of the food banks in Show Low, AZ and the current state of our bank account ($78). He was so supportive. It was nice to hear unconditional love from a family member. He expressed fear for our situation but understood that we don’t feel fear. I love my little bro so much.

He is a good kid. And although he feels that we are being obsessive about our faith, he supports our choice with love and affection. It is not a choice he would make, but he still offers love and encouragement. It was such fun to laugh and giggle with him… He respects our commitment to Jesus, I don’t think he understands, but that is unconnected to his love.

My little brother is a great example of Christ-like love. Unconditional.

I never want to see another piece of candy. We spent all day Thursday bagging candy for 5,000 children in Juarez, Mexico. Jeff and the kids and I worked on the project from 10:00am until nearly 9:00pm. I guess now I know why God sent us to Albuquerque! It was nice to be able to help!! But… I never want to see another piece of candy AGAIN!! (sure!)

Then yesterday Jeff and Kurt spent the better part of the day doing diagnostics on seven portable PA systems for Lifeline Missions. The systems are in a state of disrepair (okay, so here is another reason God sent us to this place!!). Jeff spent all day working on them and has determined that we will need to stay here until Monday or Tuesday for him to complete the repairs on the systems.

In the meantime, I had an amazing day of ministry! I was able to share our story on Thursday night with a great woman named Mary! Then yesterday I was able to talk to Jan and Liz about obedience! (Thank you God!) And later in the afternoon, I was again able to minister to a woman in the coffee shop at Calvary on the subject of obedience. And… I met an amazing man who used to engineer for Metallica and is now a saved Christian!!

God is fantastic.

Not to mention that we met Cheryl and John Governale’s daughter Melissa, who is an intern at Lifeline Missions! How cool is that!

So once again, God is in the mix!

The kids also had great days yesterday. Grace spent most of the evening with Melissa working in the coffee shop, listening to Melissa and another young woman talk about life and have a good time! Grace came home and said that Melissa is a wonderful role model (Grace… are you sure you are only ten???), that Melissa is a really godly teenager and fun to be around! Fabulous!!!!

Kurt went with the youth group (mostly senior high kids) to the local mall to street witness and share the gospel! Afterwards they went out and played volleyball! He came home glowing! I can’t wait to hear what happened.

Eve remains the darling of every person that she meets! It is so wonderful to see how people respond to her loving little heart and willing spirit! I am so very pleased that God allowed us to have this little gem in our family.

~~~~

Jeff and I had an okay day. He was distracted and a little brusque with me in the early evening. But in the end it worked out, because at dinner he mentioned his brusqueness and apologized! It was wonderful! He gets so distracted when he is working on our bills (as he did yesterday evening), I suppose that is normal for a man (especially one trying to pay bills with no income!!).

It is weird to be cashless, but okay. I went into the Calvary bookstore today and saw a t-shirt that Kurt would LOVE. Even though it is 20 percent discounted, I couldn’t purchase it for him. One part of me felt bad, yet another part was jubilated that I could walk away with a happy heart. Odd.

Money is a funny thing. Having none is okay. When we need it for the basics (milk, cheese, diesel fuel, etc.), God provides. He is making us wait on finances to cover the medical bills from our Washington DC car accident and paying for the brake repair in Show Low. But God will not let us go hungry or be unable to get to the next place He has for our family. This is a little like reading a book, it is really interesting and exciting and you wonder what is going to happen next, all the while being confident that the heroes will be okay! Funny!

~~~~

I received a wonderful email from Carolyn (the missionary we met in Tucson, part of the Navigator staff). She shared my journal with a friend in Ohio and this friend is sharing it with the women in her woman’s fellowship. How cool is that! I may never get to speak to large groups of women about obedience and Christ, but they are still able to hear the message by reading it in a group format!! COOOL!!!!!

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Out of the blue I have been having back spasms. They hit without warning and are incredibly painful. They started Wednesday morning and continued through Thursday morning. The spasms abated through the candy packing and began again that evening and have continued. They kill! I can’t stand or do anything when they hit. I am taking Tylenol but it doesn’t seem to be effective. Not going to let it keep me from a day in Old Town with Melissa and the kids today.

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Kurt received his acceptance package from LifeLine Missions today! He is so excited about going to Mexico! We have to raise nearly $800 for his trip and he has been coming up with all kinds of creative ideas for fundraising! It is a blast to watch and listen to him make plans! He comes up with some really weird ideas!! Twelve-year-old boys are sooooo creative!

We are going to start Spanish in his curriculum on Monday! It will be great as he now has a real reason to learn the language! Won’t it be fun when he and I can carry on conversations in Spanish!!!

I think Kurt has really enjoyed helping out at the LifeLine Missions office, getting to know all the interns and staff. What a wonderful opportunity for him to learn about missions and sharing the wonderful gospel!!!!!

Okay, back to bed….

Here I am, the one note song.

I recall back in the fall of last year, just after we had begun our adventure, how our financial situation (or lack thereof) had really weighed on my mind. I recall looking for an alternative source of cash, so that I could have a bit of spending money. I remember being fearful of the lack of funds in our life.

Had I only known then, what I know now!!!

God is marvelous, He takes us toward His will step by step, inch by inch. How easily it would have been for the Lord to take us to a penniless state immediately. How simple for Him it would have been to force us into a position of relying on the goodness of strangers. How facile it would have been for Him to make us totally reliant on His providence from the very start of this journey.

And yet… how kind of Him to wait.

Rather than force us into a position of fully relying on Him from the git-go, our patient Father slowly brought us to this place of complete reliance on His provision for this family. What a kind and gentle God He is! How grateful am I that He has taken us to this place of faith and reliance.

So, here we are.

We have little personal finances. Both the Boy Scout and Girl Scout Camps that Kurt and Grace will be attending this summer, need payment. Kurt needs to raise almost eight hundred dollars for his mission to Mexico. And we are again in debt. The car accident last fall in Washington, D.C. has put us into debt to the tune of about $7,000 for medical bills and car replacement costs. And then the burning brakes of last month in Show Low, has put us in debt for another $3,000.

So. What is God teaching us now? We are not in debt as a result of over-spending or credit card neglect. Our debts are as a result of “disaster” or unforeseen circumstances. I am positive that He is teaching us something that will help us in ministry. But what?

Oddly, I am not fearful as I was last fall. Although we are nearly cashless and have to get to South Dakota as well as need to provide groceries. I have no fear…. God will provide for us. The certainty is amazing.

Imagine if He had taken us to this place last fall. I would have fallen apart. Thank God that He is merciful!

One thing is certain, after this experience I have a much softer heart for people that are poor. After living a life of plenty and ease and now conversely living in poverty, my heart understands this place and the people that inhabit it so much more.

America is filled with people who live like this. The “have-nots” struggle with the same issues as those that “have”, yet without the resources. The Apostles had a good idea - and none shall lack - Acts4:34-35. Unfortunately this philosophy of sharing doesn’t work unless all are committed to Christ. Witness Marxism !

So although providing for the poor is godly, unless the provision is done with the grace of God, both the giver and receiver are ill-used. Witness the welfare program in the United States.

In any event (enough politicizing!!)… my faith has been so stretched and expanded by this lack. It’s funny, but I am actually grateful for the opportunity our finances have provided to experience severe lack and yet, be the happiest I have ever been in my life. We have nothing and yet we don’t feel “poor”. How incredible.

When we had lots of discretionary funds, I always wanted more. I was never really satisfied with what we had … always feeling that I was missing out on something. Now, with the current lack of finances, I feel full and satiated. I know that if we really need something, it will be provided by our Abba.

Isn’t this amazing.

God is truly an incredible God.

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HEY~~  We just saw TONS of Hot Air Balloons in the sky overhead.... COOL!!!!!!!!

Today was both wonderful and horrible.

We went to the 11:15 service and heard Skip teach on Ecclesiastes 15, it was marvelous. But the absolute best was that Cheryl, John and Maria Governable drove out to Albuquerque all the way from Show Low, AZ (FIVE HOURS) to attend the service as a surprise to our family and for Melissa, their wonderful and talented daughter. Melissa was on the worship team playing the grand piano, front and center!!!

I saw Cheryl just moments before the worship began and just shrieked! I was so thrilled to see her!! We sat near each other and thoroughly enjoyed the service, especially watching and listening to Melissa on the piano!! Amazing that this seventeen-year-old girl was helping to lead worship for a congregation of 12,000 (over three services). She was poised and beautiful!

After church we all went over to the intern house where Melissa is living and had a barbeque! It was great fellowship!

At 5:00, there was a baptism service we attending. It was so moving to watch all the new believers get baptized! Melissa was playing keyboards as an accompaniment to a young man singing beautiful worship songs! Then it happened!

John kept whispering to Maria that she should see if it was okay for him to sing with Melissa. Again and again, they whispered on either side of me. Then I did it! I said in a fairly loud voice, “Can we hear Melissa’s dad sing with her?” to the young man that was the vocalist. John then got up and sang. It was absolutely incredible. He has a marvelous voice and the song was full of Jesus.

I cried through the whole song. I knew I had done something wrong.

Afterwards Maria told me in a very kind voice, that it just was not appropriate and I was just too loud, Melissa concurred. I was mortified. I blubbered some more. Then I apologized to Melissa, the vocalist and John. I just could not stop crying…. I was so embarrassed.

After the service was over, I left the building to compose myself. It was very difficult. Again, I had embarrassed people that I love dearly. In my enthusiasm, I had blundered! I was just completely unable to pull myself together.

I had forgotten that the baptism, that life, that all things are about JESUS. I had put myself in the forefront, jumping in and trying to “fix” something, to organize and make something “happen”. Life is about Jesus. And I had not thought about Him first. Good lesson God!

On our way home we stopped at Albertson’s for milk and bread. While there the manager kindly donated all kinds of great stuff for the Calvary Food Bank. People are so willing to help others, they just need to know how and when. The will is among us everywhere!

Well, we were really feeling on top of the world as we drove up to our little RV, still parked in the Calvary-Albuquerque parking lot. Jeff and I noticed as we drove up that there was something not quite right with the rabbit/chicken cage.

Someone had let out the animals and the bunny is gone. Grace was inconsolable. Her beloved pet rabbit, Sugar is gone. We found the chicken under a bag, not far from the cage, hungry but unharmed.

Someone had actually taken the cage apart and let the bunny go. How sad. Perhaps they didn’t realize that the bunny was a beloved member of a family, our family. Poor dear Grace is devastated. We searched for hours. Finally Grace crawled into my lap and with crocodile tears and great sighs she calmed down.

She questioned God’s purpose in this loss. Although it is just a pet rabbit, this grief and lack of understanding God’s will is a wonderful lesson for our little girl. We don’t always understand what God has in mind for our lives but we must and do continue in the faith of His eternal love and grace.

This is perhaps a harder lesson to learn for a lifetime saved believer, such as a child raised in the faith (like Grace). For those of us that did really bad stuff, and have been forgiven, this lesson is omnipresent! For someone like Grace, she has to experience the ugliness of this “carnal world” to fully appreciate God’s grace. Sometimes that lesson comes in the form of a little lost rabbit.

….It was both a wonderful and horrible day.